Why it is sometimes easier to raise your child alone with the help of a father

We all grew up with fairy tales that end well, like a wedding. But for one reason or another, they do not often talk about what happens after the wedding, so we are left to think that people are certainly incredibly happy. However, not everyone can become really happy in a wedding, so some people choose to continue their journey alone.

At MagicalTip we think that there are many women who have a story similar to that of the heroine of this article. And maybe many of our readers will find his thoughts very familiar.

My name is Elena, I am 34 years old, I am the mother of a little girl and I am divorced. Not because my husband left me, but because I made that choice.

My mother always said to me, “All girls have to get married at least once.” I believed her, since my mother is married and that’s why I came into the world.

In my midst, a married woman is automatically considered a success: she has the most important thing, a husband. Single mothers in my family have the derogatory nickname of “single mother” or “mother in trouble”. Of course she can not keep a man, she had a child out of wedlock! In a way, it’s a big shame.

A woman who has already been married and who, for whatever reason, has been left alone with her child is better perceived, because people think she has surely ended a complicated life.

Teenager, I did not perceive pure happiness and love between my parents and children are difficult to fool! They looked pretty well, happy, as parents, but not like passionate people who love each other deeply.

© Perfetti Sconosciuti / Medusa  

in short, I got married when I was almost 30 years old. My husband was a good person. But I did not have the satisfaction I expected from marriage, even though I had accomplished “the most important task in every woman’s life”. I felt like I had taken a wrong turn.

It tortured me so much that after a few months of marriage, I suffered from depression. I did not realize it at the time, but now I know that it was definitely that: nothing made me happy, I had the morale in the socks, I did not care about my appearance, I had everything time to cry or just lie on the bed and fix the wall. It’s strange: why did I go through that if I did what I was supposed to do, right?

© The Story Of Us / Universal Pictures  

After four years, we divorced. It was not because of the depression, because over time, I almost overcame it. It happened after the birth of my baby when I realized that my husband was not ready to take on this responsibility. Our spheres of action were divided: I was responsible for all decisions concerning the baby, because “you are the mother, you know what is best”. His role was reduced to bringing home money. It’s not the best division of roles, we agree.

I was exhausted, but my husband was against nannies; he said we could get by and I felt absolutely alone. The only help that I could count on was just being able to take a shower and do some housework without the baby when my husband was coming home from work. As the baby grew up surrounded by his family, there was no way I could go back to work.

Once, my husband went on a business trip and my 1-year-old daughter and I stayed alone. And suddenly, I realized that I did not miss him. For some reason, there were fewer household chores at home and I felt less tired by being alone. The strangest thing was that without him, I felt freer.

© Tully / Focus Features  

I then wondered if I lived with this man because I loved him or if there were other reasons.

He spent very little time with our daughter. I took care of absolutely everything. Why did I need a husband? To repair the car? I found a good mechanic, my husband never cared, he was always at work. Clean the apartment? Even before, he never helped me with housework. To prepare dinner ? He does not know how to cook. Turn on the washing machine? He has already phoned me to know which button to press. Change the batteries of the toys? I bought a screwdriver.

Oh, and of course, sex! You know, after a few years of family life, we do not want each other anymore. And when you’re stuck in a routine, do not expect to receive flowers or beautiful lace underwear. No one strives because you are used to each other. We discreetly become foreigners with different interests.

© The Story Of Us / Universal Pictures  

Although the feminist movement is becoming more and more popular, we must accept that our world still belongs to men. They are more likely to be hired, move up the ladder faster, and have better pay. To a certain extent, I understand the employers a bit; women are often unreliable workers: they can take maternity leave, for example.

That’s why women get married: if you separate the emotional component, you’re more likely to not starve if you get fired. You can stay with your child on maternity leave and not shake for every euro spent because you do not have enough money …

When I answered the question of why I was still with my husband, I decided to divorce.

© A Star Is Born / Warner Brothers  

And now, here I am, alone. To be more precise, with a little girl. Nothing has changed in my daily activities: I continue to take care of everything. Morally, everything is easier and I do not need a second opinion anymore. Now my daughter is spending time with her father legally. In addition, this time is more than they used to spend together before.

Money? I know how to deserve it. Of course, I limit myself more than before. The only difficulty here is that living with a man automatically counts on him. With his moral, financial and physical aid. Sometimes you get this help, sometimes no. Now I rely only on myself. It does not bring peace of mind, but I realized that I had to accept and assume.

The attitude of society. Yes, I am now a single mother. No, not like a wretch who has not managed to cling to her husband, but like a wolf who does not respect the laws of the pack.

By habit, people who do not know me very much look at me with pity. But I do not need them to have pity on me, it’s my choice. No, no need to give me the old clothes of your adult children, I have the means to buy my daughter everything she needs.


© Tully / Focus Features
  

patriarchy in society is coming to an end. Now they can no longer crush single mothers, let alone humiliate them. Sometimes they try, but I know how to protect myself. I feel much more like a woman now than when I was married.

I certainly do not hate men and I am quite ready for a healthy relationship. But for me, the best way to live is common law, it’s something much more comfortable for me. Unfortunately, this point of view is not accepted by many societies and sooner or later the question of living together will arise. In my opinion, it is not necessary.

For someone, it may seem selfish. But the ability to not betray one’s own interests is the best thing a mother can teach her child.

What do you think of this woman’s decision? Give us your opinion in the comments below.

Cover photo By Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close / Paramount PicturesWarner Brothers